Sometimes you get a little bit of success. You think you are free and clear of perfectionism. You are feeling fulfilled, satisfied,...dare I say happy? So you need to put an end to that feeling. It is not comfortable to feel like you are on the right track. You are used to judgement, criticism, not being enough. So you return to the well and bring someone off the benches to make you feel bad. Even worse, you pay someone to do this.
Today, I did just that. I invited criticism into my journey and it completely derailed me. Four years ago, I had tried to work with a comics teacher and it did not go well. Others adore this teacher. I had convinced myself that I had misjudged. I returned to the same well and felt that old familiar feeling of failure, self-judgement and perfectionism. Nothing I was doing was right. This teacher confirmed that I was a failure and I paid for it. I felt sad all day. I am writing this down to remind myself that I am on a journey. I am enough. The way I draw is ok I am funny. I have something to say. I am the Elephant. Get the fuck out of my way.